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GAME SHOW WRITING SAMPLES

This material is property of the Jonathan Goodson Productions show "CHEATERS" and is used here with permission for sample purposes only.  All rights reserved.

How do you eat differently when you’re alone?

  1. Eat food that has been dropped on the floor
  2. Hold plate / bowl to mouth and shovel in
  3. Eat with hands
  4. Eat with utensils that have been dropped on the floor
  5. Chew with mouth open
  6. Eat / drink directly from package / bottle / carton
  7. Belch, etc.
  8. Eat away from table – on furniture, floor, in bed, kitchen, at desk, etc.
  9. Pavarotti-sized portions
  10. Weird food combos

What will a man do when he goes "out with the guys" that won’t be included in the report to his wife?
  1. Went to strip joint
  2. Drank too much
  3. Smoked cigars
  4. Gambled for serious money
  5. Flirted with women
  6. Watched porn
  7. While driving, attempted to set new land speed record
  8. Swapped dirty jokes
  9. Joined idle grumbling about wives and women in general
  10. Spent too much impressing his pals

What was your preferred method to cheat on a test at school or college?
  1. Looked over at another kid’s paper
  2. Friend helped with secret signals
  3. Cheat sheet
  4. Answers hidden in the rest room
  5. Answers written on hand / sleeve
  6. Answers written on desk
  7. Answers written on wall
  8. Answers written on pencil
  9. Passing notes
  10. Pager / cell phone message with answers

We asked mothers – what are you most worried your adolescent daughter will find out about your past?

  1. Premarital sex
  2. Drug use
  3. Extramarital affair
  4. Past marriage
  5. Poor school record
  6. Fights with husband
  7. Drunk driving arrest
  8. Shoplifting
  9. Unpopular in high school / college
  10. Dated tastes in music / clothing / hair

What’s the most pathetic thing men do to hide baldness?

  1. Comb-over
  2. Baseball caps
  3. Toupees
  4. Spray-on hair
  5. Transplants
  6. Stubble haircut
  7. Permanent
  8. Shaved head
  9. Coloring in with eyebrow pencil
  10. Medicines / ointments

What are hazards of making love in an automobile?
  1. Getting caught
  2. Cramp
  3. Hitting head on door handle / steering wheel / shifter
  4. Fogged windows
  5. Upholstery / carpet burn
  6. Torn / wrinkled clothing
  7. Car battery dead from radio / lights / whatever’s plugged into the lighter socket
  8. "Exposure" to cold weather outside
  9. Lost earrings / jewelry
  10. Tangled in seat belt, unintentionally of course

What are the most annoying things party guests do when they’ve had too much to drink?
  1. Get sick
  2. Get loud and raving
  3. Unwanted physical affection towards other guests
  4. Break furnishings
  5. Won’t leave
  6. Pass out
  7. Cry / get depressed
  8. Sing
  9. Talk nonsense / tell boring stories
  10. Inappropriate humor / jokes

What makes for nightmare neighbors?
  1. Fighting / arguing
  2. Loud talking late at night
  3. Loud music
  4. Frequent parties / company
  5. Ill-mannered kids
  6. Messy yard
  7. House exterior poorly maintained
  8. Looking in your windows
  9. Borrowing and not returning your property
  10. Constant yard / garage sales

 

This material is property of Game Show Network’s "CRAM" and is used here with permission for sample purposes only. All rights reserved.

 

Q:    What does Pamela Anderson say she avoids because it "Freaks her out"?

A:    Thinking

 

Q:  Michael Douglas settled a lawsuit filed by a golf caddy who claimed that a bad shot from the star caused him to lose what?

A:  His testicles

 

Q:  A drunk Idaho man went to a hospital needing what removed from his "private area"?

A:  Porcupine quills

 

Q: Another guy flew to sixteen thousand feet with weather balloons tied to his what?

A: Lawn chair

 

Q: Which Oscar winner does the show’s producer reward with a pricey high-definition TV?

A: The one with the shortest speech

 

Q: An Ohio man was involuntarily sterilized by a bite from what?

A: His horse

 

Q: It’s illegal in Las Vegas to pawn your what?

A: Dentures

 

Q: What did Gary Coleman sell on an internet auction?

A: A date with Gary Coleman

 

Actual items sold on e-bay:

  1. A testicle
  2. Toenails
  3. A serial killer's fingernails
  4. High-IQ sperm
  5. "One Night with My Wife"
  6. Seats to a prison execution
  7. An electric chair
  8. A "Survivor" contestant's panties
  9. A woman's virginity
  10. A vomiting cat

Finish the titles of these real "Jerry Springer" episodes:
  1. "I Married a __________ = (Horse")
  2. "I Cut off My __________ = (Manhood")
  3. "My Mom Made Me a __________ = (Prostitute")
  4. "I Refuse to __________ = (Wear Clothes")
  5. "Mom, Will You __________ = (Marry Me?")
  6. "I’m Pregnant and I Have to __________ = (Strip")
  7. "I Broke the World’s __________ = (Sex Record")
  8. "Honey, I’m a __________ = (Call Girl" )
  9. "I’m Pregnant by a __________ = (Transsexual" )
  10. "I’ve Been Bad and I Need __________ = (A Spanking")

Finish these actual rock band names:
  1. Alcoholics __________ = (Unanimous)
  2. Cap’n Crunch and the __________ = (Cereal Killers)
  3. Life_Threatening __________ = (Buttocks Condition)
  4. Bourbon __________ = (Tabernacle Choir)
  5. Pull My Finger __________ = (Chili Cookoff)
  6. Hindenburg __________ = (Ground Crew)
  7. Jehovah’s __________ = (Waitresses)
  8. Joan of __________ = (Arkansas)
  9. Poultry __________ = (In Motion)
  10. Norman Bates and the __________ = (Shower Heads)

 

Somewhere in the world, all these are illegal:
  1. In the State Capitol, wearing a -- (Penis costume)
  2. Having sex in a grocery store’s -- (Meat locker)
  3. Working topless, unless you’re in a -- (Tropical fish store)
  4. Sex with your wife if your breath smells like -- (Sardines)
  5. Losing your virginity out of the sight of -- (Your mother)
  6. Having the name Mary if you’re a -- (Prostitute)
  7. Firing a gun while your partner is -- (Climaxing)
  8. Taxi drivers having sex with passengers -- (With the meter running)
  9. Even on your wedding night, making love to a -- (Virgin)
  10. Being naked without being -- (Registered)
  11. Having sex with a truck driver in a -- (Toll booth)
  12. Women undressing in front of a man’s -- (Picture)
  13. Sex while riding in an -- (Ambulance)
  14. Women wearing swimsuits unless they’re -- (Armed with clubs)
  15. Having sex in the street if you’re a -- (Moose)
  16. On your wedding day, having sex while -- (Hunting or fishing)
  17. Pigs having sex -- (On airport property)